Xmas Rant

Posted By on 4th December 2018

This is the time of year when I usually burnish my ‘bah humbug’ credentials and go off on a bit of a Xmas rant. But this year things are a bit different as I have small children in my life for the first time thanks to Peter’s niece, who assures me she is just the person I need to banish my previous festive feelings into ‘Xmas past’. I suspect she’s right too.

However, even she can’t turn round 40+ years of ‘bah humbug’ in a few short weeks, so, just for old times sake I’m going to have a Xmas rant, but make the most of it as it could be my last.

TV is full of images of ‘perfect’ families enjoying ‘perfect’ Xmas’s. Have you seen the American films on Channel 5 in an afternoon? I hadn’t ’til this year! They raise ‘perfect’ to another level. ‘Perfect’ hair, ‘Perfect’ teeth, ‘Perfect’ make up.

Get with the programme! (No pun intended) Real life isn’t like that, most families are only ‘perfect’ in one area, they’re perfectly flawed and most of them are bonkers too. Also, few of us are blessed like ‘Nigella’ in the kitchen department or have the budget of the Ewings at Southfork.

Being force fed ‘bonhomie’ at every available opportunity is nauseating. Hasn’t anyone noticed that any ‘Soap’ worth it’s salt (and we all know they’re real) is bound to have a disaster of some kind in the Xmas episodes because that is the reality of life at Xmas for a lot of people.

Then there’s the ‘peace and goodwill to all men’ thing. How long has that been trotted out, yet look at the world. A huge number of people are starving either due to natural disasters (which may or may not be due to man made global warming) or wars, the rest just hate each other. Ironically one of the worst places is Palestine, exactly where the Xmas story began. Haven’t we learned anything?

Xmas cards are fine, a nice way to keep in touch. Charity ones are particularly good but the best bit is that they can be recycled afterwards.

Xmas presents, not so good. I’m not suggesting we go back to the days when you got an apple and an orange and thought yourself lucky, but the pressure put on people, particularly parents, at Xmas to buy bigger and better presents is unacceptable. Not to mention the fact that if you believe the news (and who can do that these days?!) the Chinese are trying to kill us all with cheap counterfeit gifts that can choke small children or spontaneously combust.

Xmas trees are great, we have Prince Albert to thank for those I believe, but I really don’t want to see them put up in September.

Ditto Xmas lights, which have come a long way in the last 40 years, but once again the Chinese are trying to kill us with dodgy power packs.

Xmas office parties. We should probably draw a veil of tears over those, though to be fair, back in the early 70’s Westgate House office parties were legendary.

Don’t get me wrong, if you enjoy Xmas I’m very happy for you, but for a lot of people it can be a difficult time of year for a whole host of reasons and they don’t need faux festivities thrust in their face at every turn.

But who knows, by this time next year I might be a believer!

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