Paramedic Humour.

Posted By on 22nd February 2021

There’s a group on Facebook called ‘UK Paramedic Humour’. I find it very funny, except when it gets too medical, in which case I’m lost, but ‘snowflakes’ beware, it’s not for the faint-hearted and you need to be broad-minded with a dark sense of humour to properly appreciate it.

A few days ago they posted a 65 point list ‘Rules you should know in the Ambulance Service’, I’ve selected a few of my favourites here.

Truly sick people don’t complain.

Air goes in and out, blood goes round and round; any variation on this is a bad thing.

The more equipment you see on the floor of the ambulance the sicker the patient (or the worse the driver).

If you drop the baby, pick it up.

When dealing with patients/supervisors/public, if it felt good saying it, it was the wrong thing to say.

All bleeding stops…eventually.

All people will eventually die, no matter what you do.

Always follow the rules, but be wise enough to forget them sometimes.

If someone dies by chemical hazards/electrical shock/other on-scene danger, it should be the patient, not you.

You can’t cure stupid,

Somethings only a good autopsy will cure.

If it’s wet and sticky, and not yours, LEAVE IT ALONE!

Pain never killed anyone.

All fevers eventually fall to room temperature.

If the patient is sitting up and talking to you, then they are not in VF/VT/ASYSTOLE no matter what the monitor says.

Training is learning the rules, experience is learning the exceptions.

Sometimes it’s easier to beg forgiveness than get permission.

They said, “Smile, things could be worse.” So we smiled, and sure enough, things got worse.

No matter how bad the politics get, the doors go up and the trucks go out.

“You’re supposed to say CLEAR, damn it!!!”

If your patient is violent, you can always use O2 Therapy (an O2 bottle across the head usually calms them down).

You should always stop CPR after the second, “Ouch!” from your patient.

It’s OK to talk and it’s OK to not be OK.

So to all the paramedics and other health care workers out there, you keep us well and make us smile.

THANK YOU.

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